Monday, June 29, 2009

The Road Not Taken

I've come to realize that I live in a sea of regret. I hate that about myself, and I truly wish I could change it. And I'm constantly crawling... the proof is under the bandages on my knees from softball.

I get to the point of wondering how things would be for me if I had made some different decisions. If I had gone down the road not taken. Been a little different. What would I be like? Where would I live? Who would I be with? Who would I stay friends with and who would I have lost? It's a very interesting exercise in reflection... something I usually try to avoid. But still, I wonder, who could I be today?

I'm still hopeful for good things to happen soon, and things are still starting to look more optimistic. Sadly though, I keep having dreams that back in April I had received better news, and that I would be on the road to a PhD right now, and not unemployed and scrounging for some semblance of a future. I wish I knew which path I could take next... and already see what's at the end of it...

Monday, June 15, 2009


I'm on the verge of having good things happen. If you pray, pray. If you just wish good things, wish good things.

I really could use some good news soon. I need some positive things to start happening again. So far, so good. I got a job with the University of Phoenix Online as an online instructor of Communication. I start training for that soon! :)

Otherwise I'm still silently hoping that something opens up in the PhD program for me, and that a job at Mason happens. I am still beating myself up over the one person there that doesn't seem to like me much. I really wish I knew why or what I've done. I worry they think that I can't hack it, or that I'm not deserving of a PhD. Or that maybe I'm just not a good human being... either way it sucks because I respect them a lot. And I thought that they at least supported me staying there. I don't know. :( I'd like to ask them about it, but I'm scared of what they'll say.

Either way... I hope something good happens soon. I could use it.