Thursday, October 15, 2015

The "Pildo" Incident (A Year in the City)

Like a hotdog down a hallway? 

Fair warning... this post gets a bit inappropriate. Not by anything I've done, but by what I've witnessed. So if you do not want to read something hilarious and immature, turn away now.


Oh you're still here? Good!

So this happened over the summer, but my writing habits are still slack, so I'm just getting to this now.

LaKesha and I wandered back to the metro after a particularly exhausting day of work in DC. We chatted about my upcoming birthday (it was August) and the looming Fall term. I began talking to her about my teaching schedule when the following exchange occurred...

Me: "I don't know if it'll work, but I don't want to lose this class"

I look up the car a few rows and see a group of three young African American guys (probably late teens or early 20s MAX) laughing loudly and pulling some object out of what looked like a shoe box.

Ignoring it, I went on...

"301 is definitely my favorite class to teach so, OH MY GOD!"

LaKesha raised her eyebrows. "Yes?"

I squinted at the object in one of the boys hands. No. It can't be. There's no way.

"L, do you see that? What that kid  is holding and waving in the air? Hoooollly shit."

"What ki... oh NO!" she snorted.

It was... A. Male. Dildo.

So let's stop right here for an education in the male dildo. For those of you unaware, a male dildo is often called a "fleshlight" due to its shape, or a "pildo" (I'll let you deduce that one on your own). These items look a bit like a male phallus, but the big difference is on the end is the model of female genitalia. And if you insert... something into it, it is "supposed" to feel ... similar. Aaannnnnnyyyyway.

These three guys were waving this fleshlight around the metro car. One of them stuck his finger in the end and twirled it around in the air like a helicopter. Another kissed it. Yup. There. The other one just kept grabbing it and staring at the end as though he'd never seen the likeness of a vagina before (I'm guessing he hadn't).

Then it got better. I noticed that in the seat behind the guys, was an elderly lady with a confused look on her face. The 80-something year old kept staring at the pile of beat meat. trying to figure out why they kept swinging it around and laughing. Then, L and I saw it dawn on her. The look of horror and confusion sweeping over her face was both sad and hilarious. The guys didn't care. They were oblivious to the rest of the car. Which made me crack up. Which made L crack up. Which made the guys briefly look up at  us and then continue poking the piece of rubbery latex lady-meat.

There we were. 3pm. On the metro. Staring at these boys holding a big, flesh-toned female-styled sex toy and waiting for the elderly passenger to have a heart attack and pass out.

Must be Thursday.