Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Fall Again

I can hear the rain outside. I can't see it but I can hear it. I'm bundled up in bed with a fortress of pillows around me. I don't want to move yet. It's a shame... the tree outside was turning bright yellow the other day. It was soo pretty. The wind and rain just blew most of the leaves off into the clouds. It's Fall again.

It's around this time that I start thinking about New Years. What will I change next year? What will be better? What will happen to me? Every year, I have so much hope that it will be better than the last. And sometimes it is. I am fearful this year though. If things do not get better than this year then I'm not sure how I will proceed. But at least I know I will. Regardless I will proceed forward. Isn't that what we do?

I have the flu. I think. I have something. Something that is preventing me from wanting to move from this spot. I'm fine with that. Time seems to slow down for me when I can rest in bed. But as soon as I get up I can't catch up.

How do I catch up?


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Rain + No Sunshine

= Meg staying in bed FARRR too long on a Saturday when things need to be done!! I've figured out that I am soo tired from the week that my bed is my sanctuary. Why the hell would I want to leave something so warm and cozy? The evil, busy, raining world is outside of this thing. I'm disinclined to move.

I promise I'm not a slacker. I honestly have been so busy lately I've forgotten I even own a blog. My handwritten journal is much worse. The last entry in that is me crying over not getting into the PhD program (there's actual watermarks on the page... how pathetic).

So anyway I guess it's time for massive life updates....
I never did end up with a "job" job. I applied to 105 places total and have given up. Right now I am teaching two University of Phoenix classes, which are good but quite time consuming and don't pay crap. I am teaching two COMM 101 classes at Mason (yay adjunct means faculty parking!). I am also grading as a teaching assistant for another professor who teaches COMM 454- Free Speech and Ethics... also time consuming. I'm selling Avon products on the side. And FINALLY I clean houses when I get random offers to do so (but I do Scott/Sonia's once a week). So that's how I'm making money. And it's still very rough going, but I'm making rent payments so I see that as a positive!

On top of that I'm enrolled at Mason non-degree (meaning I don't belong to any one program) to take grad level classes. I'm hoping that if, God willing, I get into PhD this year, I can transfer them in. So I'm still in two classes with my WONDERFUL friends, who have been so patient with me this year.

I'm still very much afraid, but not as openly as before. I still get upset a bunch, and feel like I'm missing out on something I really want, but I'm still trying. I'll re-take those God forsaken GREs soon and go from there. The issue now is I'm soo busy balancing jobs that I have very little time for research! Go figure.

I can't believe how much I have to do. It's 12:45 and I'm in bed writing this while its pouring outside and Ari-cat is laying on part of my keyboard (cuz it's warm). Not to mention the apartment looks like a tornado blew through it. I'm just too tired to clean! Hahaha.

Ok this is getting sad... let me think of something nice...
I'm gonna make steak and eggs when I get up out of the left over London Broil I cooked K and me this week. :) Yay! Also, I just got back from Chicago a few weeks ago to visit Joe-face. It was a VERY nice break away and the sun even came out.

Plus I found a new "fast food" place I love but they don't have here. Culvers. Omnomnom. Sooo good!

Ok Ari has taken over the whole laptop with her fat roll so I'm gonna log off and get goin!
Let's see if I can remember to updae now.... (Doubtful).