Thursday, September 16, 2010
If I Knew Then... A Quarter Century's Worth of Knowledge
I don't believe I've ever done a full blown "life" update before, but I suppose with the coming and going of my 25th birthday that it is only fitting.
So where am I in my life? What have I experienced and what has fallen short? As you can see, it's September 16th... it has taken me until now to build up the courage to ask myself all of this in order to make this post. And I'm still leaving things out. But nonetheless this is what I know...
After a quarter of a century I am proud and disappointed in myself. Proud of my accomplishments both personally and professionally, but disappointed in my failures and mistakes. I'd love to say I'm the type of girl who does not hold on to regrets... but I have enough baggage to run my own airport.
I have three degrees. Two Bachelor of Arts (English and Communication Studies) and one Master of Arts in Communication. I have yet to be accepted to a PhD program, as has been the goal before now.
I am a college professor and I am in love with my job. It is busy and stressful and fun and fulfilling. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I had hoped to be a writer, and aside from this sad little string of blogs, I have not made much else. My novel is farrrrrrrrrr from complete and I'm terrified to submit my research to journals because I don't believe it is up to par. Fiction and narratively I am an okay writer. (With formal training) I do believe that I could be a good writer.
I am almost completely financially independent of my family. However, I am in student loan and credit card debt up to my ears... and as such my parents still contribute to the cause to keep me afloat. For that I am eternally thankful.
I have traveled to the following places: Ireland, Canada, Arizona, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Washington D.C. (Yes I did it alphabetically cause I'm awesome).
I have fallen in Love and out of Love. I have had my heart ripped to shreds and have failed to completely mend it (I'm not sure if that is even possible). I've broken someone's heart and failed to completely mend theirs. I have lost dear friends and found new ones. I've rekindled friendships from my past and made peace with the fact that some people aren't worth the effort.
The people that have taught me to love have also taught me to hate. I've found that sometimes the ones who build you up will also break you down. I've managed to find strength within myself that I could not imagine that I possessed. But I am still self loathing and have a long way to go. Trust me, I'm still working on it.
I have a great relationship with my parents and sister even after a heart-wrenching divorce. I think we all came out better on the other side.
I am in love with music and have attended well over 70 concerts. Music heals me when nothing else can.
I've done stupid things when I was young and I fully intend on warning my children against them to no avail. :)
I've read countless books, but still have a lot to learn. I've had plenty of missed opportunities and failed attempts but I'm optimistic that doors will still open when they need to.
I've found God.
I am a Jack of all Trades but a Master of None. I want to be really REALLY good at one thing.
I can fix many things on my Jeep by myself. I'm not afraid of getting dirty or of wearing pink.
I've had cancer before and got it treated (don't worry please, it was only Basal Cell Carcinoma... an incredibly treatable form of epidermal layer skin cancer). I am cautious because of this.
I have had my power and control taken from me and managed to slowly gain it back. I fully intend on preventing this from happening again to myself or anyone I love.
I've gotten drunk but decided that drinking is not my thing. However a Jack and Coke can easily fix a sour mood. I know how to cook and I Love to... I just don't always have the time or energy. Drugs are a no-no for me... excluding coffee of course. ;)
I am a lease-holder, a car owner and a stock market trader. I'm also saving for retirement.
I still have so much I want to do... get married, have babies, buy a house, get a dog and another cat, pay off my debts, get a PhD, accept who I am and love me for it, write and publish a novel... etc. So I guess we'll see what I have when the next 25 years have passed.
Regardless, I'm still afloat.